tinkerbitchx's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- washed in black I'm upset. I did something I told myself I wouldn't do. I made a promise and I broke it. But it was to myself. And I don't count. I don't believe I ever did. Still, I was excited and it made me feel better knowing that I was going to do this on my own. I was going to be free. I guess I'll never be free. Turn down my radio. It keeps donating aspiring thoughts of resentment. {I hear their minds screaming.} They speak of things to make them forget. If they can't hold it then it doesn't exsist. They can't hold me. They are in the radio and I am sitting here ; motionless. I do not exsist. {If only.} There is not much time left. I will go back to prison. I do not like it there. That is as simple as I can say it. My thoughts will race and my head will spin. My hands will shake and my stomach will turn. My tears will fall and I will try to hide them. It's not one thing that makes it so unbearable. {They know what I am hiding.} I'll slither down the dark hallways, covered in signs that scream 'you can't escape.' I have too long left to go. So I wonder, if I take a drastic switch .. will they make me return? I know stars aren't made for wishing. They are set there for me to stare at and think of how I wish I could just explode, or if I could just be laying up there, in a sky of diamonds. I still search, I still need, I still fall. Getting back up again is the problem. Sometimes I can actually convince myself it will be okay, and that I am fine. But other times my head spins and thoughts flow and push me into a never-ending whirlwind of feeling dead. Sadly, I am not. 12:30 AM - January 10, 2003 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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